My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
