You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
