I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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