unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
