yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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