Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
