I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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