so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
