It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
