Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
