i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I believe in your delicious
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
