My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
