uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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