if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Found your dick twin last night
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
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