If that was your dad, he is hot
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
