You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
