I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sex in the backyard? Check.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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