I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My liver just had a heart attack.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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