we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
