Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
People in love make me want to vomit
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
