There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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