you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So many bounce houses so little time
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Your shirt... Was in my pants
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
