he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
