My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
