lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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