so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
