Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
