I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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