tell your sister to shave her snatch
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
