i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
