Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
