It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
