So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
