um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
