I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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