Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
