sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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