1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I checked into jail on foursquare
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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