My nipple is on Facebook.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
