It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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