y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i would punch a child for taco bell
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
