After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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