How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
