Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
