i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
