Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
