i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
