how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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