Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
