after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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