awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
