if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
