Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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