You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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