Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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